Criticism: Part 1

Before you read much further, I must be completely honest and admit I’m writing this more for myself than for anyone else. It’s very easy for me to see the log in my own eye…yet sometimes I come across as if the splinter in my hubby’s eye is much bigger! I’m sure there are days it has been the same for him. And thus – the reason for my post. If WE go through this stuff – then others must, too! Without further ado…

I Peter 3:8-12 (the Message)
Summing up: Be agreeable, be sympathetic, be loving, be compassionate, be humble. That goes for all of you, no exceptions. No retaliation. No sharp-tongued sarcasm. Instead, bless—that’s your job, to bless. You’ll be a blessing and also get a blessing.

In conversations with my sweet hubby and other couples, I’ve noticed a humungous difference in the way men and women perceive things.

Shocker – I know. 🙂

One thing in particular jumps out at me, and you’ve probably noticed it yourself, is the topic of “criticism”.

Generally speaking (yes, generally, as there are always exceptions), when a woman points out something in a home, marriage or situation that could use work or improvement…she wants things to be as close to perfect as possible and doesn’t “see” an issue with pointing out problems. She sees herself as a “fixer” and “helper”. She thinks that if she points them out…the problem will soon be solved (if she perceives it as a problem). And if it is NOT soon “solved”…then she feels like she must not have made herself clear and repeats herself.

HOWEVER – her action is sometimes (dare I say, usually?) perceived by her spouse as criticism. If it is repeated more than once, it is HARSH criticism. If more than 2 or 3 times…it’s nagging and internalized by the male as an affront to who they are.

Now…if the male points out something that could use imporovement, he perceives himself as being HELFPUL and a FIXER (just as the wife perceives herself). The wife, however, perceives HIS move as insensitive and somewhat hypocritical. She wonders why she should she take his suggestions/criticism when he can’t seem to take hers? Why is it okay for HIM to point out stuff that needs work but it’s not okay for her?

And the cycle continues…and continues…and continues…

(and continues to PART II in the next post!)

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2 thoughts on “Criticism: Part 1

  1. My hubby and I just had an argument on a topic similar to this one. I asked him, what I thought was a simple question, and he went off on me. Later we talked about it and realized we both were wrong. My question, was no so simple and innocent after all. Had I presented it in a better way, we may have escaped the whole episode entirely. It just goes to show we need to always be mindful of one antother.

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  2. exactly…even when we don’t “feel” like it. 🙂

    Sounds like you guys were able to work through it, though. That’s good stuff! 🙂

    Like

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