Confessions and “do-overs”

FAKER. My husband and I use that word to describe my youngest when she is shedding crocodile tears. Then, through the tears, she displays her Cheshire Cat grin – and proves us right.

Her “faker” moments are deliberate and (and sometimes calculated) – but mostly  ineffective. We see through her facade and she quickly strips it away.

My two other girls have “faker” moments, too. “I know…I know…I know…” is their battlecry.  They fight for their right to be right — though it is clear (to anyone within shouting distance) – that both are wrong.

Thus, after reading the newest post on the Fire It Up! blog (this week’s blogger is Jill Roman Lord), I was compelled to confess:

There are days when I feel like a faker, too.

That’s right – a faker.

F-A-K-E-R.

Unlike my youngest daughter, my moments of “fakerdom” are not calculated NOR are they rehearsed, deliberate or otherwise billed as a deceptive act to manipulate, conjole or trick any other invested party.

And I can honestly say they they don’t fall into the same category as the “faker” moments my other two daughters tend to share. (Though I have been known to say, “I KNOW”, even when it is clear (to everyone else) that I do NOT know! )

No…I usually recognize my “faker” tendencies AFTER the actual event or in the midst of said event. For instance:

I recently wrote an article and sent it to a P31 Woman magazine. The editor liked it. She wants to print it! But first…she wants a revision!

I’m VERY glad to write the revision. Matter of fact, I welcome revisions. They are some of the few times in life we get “do-overs”. So what’s my problem?

Well, as I’ve started the process of rewriting the article, of course, I’ve reread it. As soon as the words flashed before my eyes- the neon sign of “FAKER” flashed over my head.

The topic of the article is about managing my time so I can spend MORE time with the Lord doing what I’m called to do. It’s a good article – it’s a true article. That really IS my heart’s desire. But am I living it?

DO I live out what I SAY I believe? Do I talk a good talk… but trip over backwards, flipping, rolling and landing my backside during my walk?

     I’m back in a good “groove” of housekeeping (shocker, I know!).

     My homeschool is coming along at the right pace (though some days are more trying than others).

     And my writing schedule is heading in the right direction (thought it still needs tweaking).

But what about my walk? What about those times I’m supposed to be spending with Jesus? Am I simply filling them up with other things?

Writing this post even reeks of the FAKER stench. What right do I have to write this column when I haven’t spent a ONE moment in the Word in the week?

Well… as I said in the beginning…this is a confession. Confessing our sins one to another is a good thing, yes? Seeing this in print is not easy. To be quite honest, it’s painful.  It’s MUCH easier to continue saying how much I want to be close to Jesus and going on with my every day duties -and yet not addressing the thing that is missing. THE TIME WITH JESUS!

BUT just as the kind editor is willing to give a “do-over” – Jesus has, in his infinite grace and mercy, afforded me the same thing.

I get a type of “do-over” every day when I wake up. This verse says it all:

Lamentations 3:21-23 (New International Version) 

 21 Yet this I call to mind
       and therefore I have hope:

 22 Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed,
       for his compassions never fail.

 23 They are new every morning;
       great is your faithfulness.

ALL IS NOT LOST! Regardless of how I “fake” I feel…HE is real. And it’s because of HIM that my “fakedom” is replaced by the hope of my salvation. He sees through the facade and strips it all away.

It’s because of HIS mercy that my day is NOT a loss…but a chance for renewal. It’s because of HIM that I can say, “I don’t know all the answers…but YOU do”…and KNOW it’s the truth. I can swallow my pride, get on my knees and get to back to my walk.

To quote DC TALK…

“Honesty becomes me
[theres nothing left to lose]
The secrets that did run me
[in your presence are defused]
Pride has no position
[and riches have no worth]
The fame that once did cover me
[has been sentenced to this earth]
Has been sentenced to this earth

Tell me, whats going on inside of me?
I despise my own behavior
This only serves to confirm my suspicions
That I’m still a man in need of a savior…”

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4 thoughts on “Confessions and “do-overs”

  1. I think unplugging is such a necessity. It is so easy to forget the real world sometimes, i think especially for us writers because our work demands that we stay connected. I love going outside and just…listening.

    Like

    1. Yes! It seems that too often I (and many other folks I know) get so caught up with our writing and everything that goes along with it (be that our novel, picture book, email, blog, twitter, facebook, the blueboard or whatever!) that we miss out on the very things that make us WANT to write.

      Thanks for stopping by. It’s nice to know I’m not alone in the quest to keep balanced! 🙂

      peace,
      Donna

      Like

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