writing for children

It was a Dark and Stormy Night: My first line

It’s my turn to enter a contest! Scroll down for my entry in the first line contest hosted by Brenda Drake over at Brenda Drake Writes. I’m ready for your critiques, fellow blogfesters!

Genre: Picture Book

              On Monday, Mom cooked 8 pounds of rhubarb.


34 thoughts on “It was a Dark and Stormy Night: My first line

  1. Oh Donna. I read that and my first thought was …” huh? rhubarb? Why in the world would she do that??”
    So, you got me on your first line. I have to read on to find out why so much rhubarb all on Monday? 🙂

    I wish you success with your first line.


  2. I’m with the rest, what’s with all the rhubarb? Like the fact that it is not a common food that kids would know about, too. That makes the reader more interested in what the book is about. GREAT job!


  3. Well, this certainly sets things up! I like the humor edge to this line. If you wanted to tweak, I’d consider adding the character’s response to eight pounds of rhubarb (maybe that comes next?)


  4. I’m not a writer of children’s books, so take my comment with a grain of salt:

    I would like the character to be involved in this sentence. You could say her reaction. If it was YA, I would write it like this:

    “My mother, being the (insane, ambitious, creative) person she is, decided to cook eight pounds of rhubarb last Monday.”


  5. I’m glad you included the genre here, or I would have had different suggestions for this. As an opening line for a picture book this is fantastic. It’s brief, and it doesn’t introduce too much for a younger reader to absorb. Now I’m curious to know what the rest is about.


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